Facebook's answer to the icebreaker

So have you all seen the 25 random things list that your friends are posting on Facebook? I think its pretty interesting, its a great way to learn about your friends if they do the list the right way.... without thinking. Too many people censor themselves these days, they don't just say things... they contemplate, they reread their emails multiple times before hitting send (or submit on the list in this example), they even reread it after hitting submit. Its crazy.

To the people who are just typing the list and posting it, I say Bravo!

People need to just say what they mean, mean what they so and not stress so much over what people will think or how they will react. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean that you shouldn't care about people's feelings. If you hate someone's clothes or mannerisms, you need to weigh how much it bothers you and how much it effects you and then determine the best approach to communicate it, if in fact you should communicate it. Because as I learned in a recent class that I took with RJ, words can kill. Which reminds me of a little story so I'm going to digress, buckle your seat belts and hold on-----

A few years a go, almost a decade now, I visited Tombstone. While there, I saw the reenactment of the shootout at the OK Corral. Before the show, one of the gunmen came out and pointed the gun at another man. He then threw the gun on the ground and yelled bang bang! I turned to my friend with what I like to call my WTF face. The gunman then said "See guns don't kill people, people kill people". Yeah my friend and I are from a democratic state and grew up with afterschool specials and David Silver's best friend accidentally shooting themselves. I'm not against the right to bear arms, my Dad collects guns (recent, post my sisters and I growing up) but at the same time....without guns, it'd be a lot harder to kill people and harder to have accidents resulting in death so I had trouble with that little intro. Ok, are you still with me?

So anyway, at the class that RJ and I attended, the teacher said that the commandment "Thou shalt not kill" means more than violence, it includes words. Don't worry, I'm not religious and I'm not about to preach. But what I found interesting about this interpretation is that my soul or livelihood has been "killed" many times by someone's words... even more so than their actions. So to bring it back to my point (come on, wipe that fake surprised look off your face, by now you know I'm long winded), I think if you have to criticize someone it should be constructive to help them and not to hurt them. Words sting. But when you are dealing with yourself; things you love, things you don't, things unique to you, your fears, your beliefs etc... stop caring about what other people think and "say what you need to say" I love that John Mayer song so much that when it comes on my ipod, I put it on repeat three times for the walk from the bus to the office to start the day off right. And my favorite part...

"You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than to never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shakin'
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin'
Do it with a heart wide open"

So if you haven't already done the 25 random things about you list, do yourself a favor.... do it without thinking... just say what you need to say

Yeah but mine is better

So as I was writing that last post, I got so excited about my analogy and I needed immediate gratification but RJ was in the bathroom on a conference call. Yeah weird I know but its quiet and he can concentrate and can't hear me typing away and watching tv in the living room. Anyway, he doesn't know about my blog… this is my sacred place. But as soon as he came out, I said I have to tell you the analogy that I gave to BFF about 2nd dates. He says ok. So I start reading but he is looking at his laptop so I stop.

Me: "But RJ, I need your full undivided attention. I need props for this, its so good"
RJ: "Hon, I'm listening, I'm just not looking"
Me: Pouting
RJ: "Ok but then I get to tell you my analogy"
Me: I read my analogy then "Isn't that the F***ing Best ever?!" I swear a lot when excited.
RJ: "Yeah but mine is better" Then he proceeds to go on about how a second date is like the crazy asian character on MadTV and that you should go on the second date because it might be better than the cover which only gave part the story… he totally lost me.
Me: "Um, but your analogy doesn't have a happy ending. Mine has the potential to win big"
RJ: "But the crazy asian guy could be great if you give him a chance"
Me: With my WTF face
RJ: "Ok fine, it's like a monkey f***ing football"
Me: Ignoring that as now he's just being foolish, I continue "Its like Tom Colicchio giving the Top Chef contestants a monkey's ass and telling them to fill it with fried bananas"
RJ: "Um no"
Me: "But you liked it when Fabio said it on Top Chef tonight"
RJ: "That’s because it was Fabio. Its cool that his name is Fabio"
Me: Just shaking my head and thinking I hope I remember all of this for my blog ;)

The Lemon Law

So for anyone who doesn't know... the Lemon Law is a state by state law regarding the purchase of a car that ends up having a lot of problems. Its a hard law to enforce but I have a friend who definitely would have had an interesting case... her post college car was a nightmare. But I'm not blogging about that...

No this blog is about her lack of going on the 2nd date. I'm sure she'll go eventually, in fact strike that, I know she'll go on a 2nd date soon. And I think its admirable that she won't just waste a guy's time or money on a 2nd date when her mind is already made up. I even tried to convince her about the 2nd date with a unique analogy. To be honest, I'm only posting about this because I like the analogy and it gives me a chance to post a url link (click the title and let me know if nothing happens, I'm learning!), which I haven't on my blog yet.... hopefully she's ok that I'm posting this. Now on to my analogy and how wonderfully witty I am...

A first date is like a slot machine, fun and not a lot of pressure... but eventually to win big, you have to go to the table (the 2nd date) even if the first couple tables don't bring you luck, you needed that table practice just like you needed the slot machine practice so you'd get better at risking more (of your heart in this analogy) and being able to walk away from each table with your head held high til you find the table that you never want to leave.

Come on... that is a great freaking analogy, give a girl some props people!

Fine, you're a tough crowd so to appease you, check out the link to a classic Barney Stinson having his own creation used against him, the dating lemon law! Maybe my bff is a more humane version of Barney, she finishes the first date and doesn't waste either parties time on the 2nd.

PS Do you think the writers borrowed the idea from this old comic?

but thats my sexual place....

Ok 17 kids and counting.... come on! My friend and I have this thing where we wonder if sex is the same after one child let alone 17. And on this show, I hear the doctor say that this woman can vaginally deliver the 18th baby because her vaginal wall and muscles are strong. I tell this to my friend who responds "but thats my sexual place. and sex is too good, i can't let it be ruined" I was laughing BUT I have always wondered if you can let a guy do certain things after you have a baby and nurse a baby, ya know. Especially after I saw Knocked up and I didn't expect that last scene... after that, I'm thinking maybe the guy stays at the head of the bed no matter what!

Anyway, I try to make my friend feel better by telling her that the mom on 17 and counting must do kegels. To which my friend says nothing and I can tell... she is trying to do one! So I say, you know the magazines say to do reps of 20 or something and hold each one for 10 seconds. She looks depressed and says "10 seconds each!" - yup thats what the magazines say. Her face relaxes so I know she's done trying and I say "maybe the sex isn't as good as you think".... I'm hilarious by the way!

Hey.. HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!!!?

So yesterday I decide to take the 535pm bus home because I wanted to go to the library. The last two times I tried to take an early bus home to get to the library... something happened.



The first time, I got on the 535 but realized on the ride home that I hadn't checked what time the library closed. No big deal right? I'll just check on my blackberry. Oh, don't have a blackberry, no problem, I'll just call using my cell. Oh right- ugh! Didn't have one at that time and hadn't had one for 2 weeks at that point. Old cell was paid by old company and still hadn't received one from my new co. I thought it would be a much quicker process. Anywho... still not a huge deal, right? I can drive home, call from there and then go to the library. Cha right! Have I not mentioned that I HATE the cold. So needless to say by the time I got home on that particular day, I was NOT going back out.



The second attempt... the bus NEVER came. Ok thats an exaggeration. It came like 40 minutes late and this time I knew the library closed at 630... see my most recent blog. So needless to say, I shouldn't have been surprised yesterday...




I was listening to IPod and reading as the bus went through the toll and suddenly I heard yelling... multiple people yelling... "Hey... HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!!?" The driver obviously didn't know the route and almost missed our exit. Luckily a fellow passenger took it upon himself to practically dive to the front of the bus and he stayed there directing the driver until we pulled into the station.

So you think that means I made it to the library without any problem, right?

Nope! Not for me. I realized I didn't bring my wallet with my library card so I had to run home first but this time, I left the car running so I HAD to go back out into the cold! Good thing the library had some great books waiting for me :)

Exiled

Ok so I don't watch the MTV show... ok truth be told I watched 2 of them but this post isn't about some MTV show. Its about something my bf said to me 2 weeks ago that I just remembered today... and I remembered it because I was labelling previous posts in preparation for publicizing my blog. I labelled my first post "Compassion" and this is what I remembered....

Scene: BF and I walking into Xmas Tree Shop on a FREEZING Saturday...
Me: I think I should volunteer or something
BF: Huh?
Me: Well you know, yesterday it was so freaking cold out and I had to wait for the bus an extra 30 minutes due to traffic and an accident and I didn't have my scarf... just gloves and it was so freaking cold.
BF interrupting: And you had your coat
Me: Um yeah obviously. Anyway I seriously thought I'd have frostbite when I finally got home. And I didn't have my cell so I couldn't call you and it was so brutal.
Sidenote: Due to job change, I didn't have a cell for awhile and it was so annoying. But back to compassion
BF: Yeah so what does this have to do with volunteering?
Me: Yeah well I was thinking about how I was that cold but I was only out there for 30 minutes. Imagine homeless people. I don't know. I think I should volunteer at a soup kitchen or handing out blankets.

Its quiet for a few minutes... ok seconds... if it had been minutes I would have started talking again

BF: Um hun, don't take this the wrong way but I think you are meant to help people from afar.
Me: What does that mean? You think I can't be compassionate.
BF: Remember when we were in NY and you could smell every odor for blocks before me and you kept complaining about it.
Me: Yeah it was disgusting,I have a very sensitive nose.
BF: And remember how you get uncomfy if dirty people are near you
Me: Um yeah, it grosses me out. I mean come on, shower already
BF: Yeah homeless people don't have a place to shower and will probably smell. You won't last very long at all.

Quiet again...

Me: Yeah but remember the time after the kickball game when I took all the leftover food (company ordered for like 200 and 20 played) and I brought it to the homeless people by the Garden because a shelter wouldn't take it bc it was already opened
BF: Yes that was very nice of you and I know you care but you couldn't deal with any smells.
Me: But I care, I want to help.
BF: I know you do and you can. Fundraise, spread the word, collect goods, donate money, volunteer with kids- you love that stuff. But a soup kitchen, I think not.

Silence again...

Me: So I probably wouldn't last on that MTV show Exiled either
BF: Remember when they ate bugs and killed chickens

Silence as I vomit in my mouth

Me: Yeah I'll find a different way to help out

Moral of the story: I do care and everyone can help in their own way but I am a DQ and my bf knows me too well... I would have been grossed out by even the slightest smell and then felt bad for being grossed out and I know some will say that makes me a bitch but I counter with this: You try living with my sensitive nose AND trust me it is THAT sensitive and you wouldn't last either.

The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

Ok.. Ok... its not that I don't care about my blog. To be honest, its because of the holidays, travelling followed by starting a new job where I've only been for a few weeks. And I have to tell you, I've had some blogworthy experiences but just no motivation after long days of trainings to actually blog. So the quote might need need to be reversed for me... You see, its not that I don't care, its that I'm incredibly lazy

But I'm trying to get back to blogging.. even though I have no followers yet- to be honest, I haven't plugged it much. I think I'll get on that right after this blog.

So update from my last blog:

- My mom barely wanted to talk about the engagement... she said like two words. I know the guy is great and she's happy but she's all weird about talking about it. Its like hello you've been divorced a long time... its ok to get remarried and talk about it and show your excitement. Whatever, sometimes I can't deal with it because as the oldest, I'm always stuck dealing with it. So for now, she's happy even if she isn't showing it by jumping for joy and I'm not stressing about it.

- My new job is good. I mean its been a few weeks. I have done this type of work before but never following all the processes and procedures of my current company. Seriously, all I've done since I started is trainings on templates and processes and then phone calls; oh the endless phone calls. It reminds me of another quote from office space about TPS reports. So much time spent on templates and ineffective phone calls but I know it will get better and I do love the content of my job.

- My relationship is great. My bf and I live together, we have for 2 years and we have dated for almost 3.5 years. Everyone asks me about the missing ring and his mom just asks him about grandkids. I tell him to ask her how often she'll babysit and that if she says every saturday, that might sweeten the deal. I'm kidding... kind of! I do love my sleep. We'll cover kids more in future posts. As for marriage, we are different religions and we are currently taking a class to learn about religion and see if we can make some decisions. Sidenote: I was raised with religion but I've had doubts about God for a long time and I don't practice any religion now... although I really would love to have faith and believe in God. We'll address this in future posts too but trust me not in a preachy way.

Ok a couple little tidbits to prove I earned my blog title:

- My new job originally gave me a crappy cube- I mean CRAPPY. There was no way I was gonna work there. So I kept bugging the office guy until he gave me the EXACT cube that I want. Big, away from too much craziness with a view. Hells yeah! The woman in the cube next to my crappy cube asked how I did it, I said I'm that good. She laughed and asked me to help her, she's nice so I did... now she's across from me in a good cube; but not as good as mine!

- The class my bf and I are taking is in an area of Boston with NO parking lot; only on street parking. I whine and whine every time we drive there bc there is no parking. Last class the bf said from now on we leave 10 mins early to ensure good pkg because he can't deal anymore. I laughed, thats what I do... I whine and I'm ok with that :)

princess.. queen - whatever

So this is what happens when I'm cooped inside all day due to the snow; multiple posts..

RJ convinces me to leave the house to get snacks at the store and here is what ensued

Me: Ahhh! Its so cold. Couldn't you have started up the car?
RJ: You are going to warm up the car while I clean off the snow.
Me: I think you could have started the car and cleaned off the snow while I waited inside where its warm.

RJ shakes his head as the car comes into view; its SERIOUSLY covered in snow

Me: Ohh make sure you clean off the top of the car because thats dangerous when it falls as I'm driving

RJ again just shaking his head

Me: What? I'm just saying
RJ: Yes Princess
Me: Its Queen
RJ: Huh?
Me: I'm almost 30, its Queen
RJ: Princess... Queen... whatever - you are spoiled; same difference

Ok. This is not even the best part; wait for it. After 10 minutes of me sitting in the car listening to the radio and RJ standing in a foot of snow removing more snow off the car, he open the door and sits in the passenger seat.

Me: Um what about that mess on the windshield.

RJ: Use your wipers and fluid, it will defrost.

Me: (After trying it) Um not so much.

RJ gets out and leans over the windshield using his gloves to clear it off even more. Then he gets back in, his feet still dangling out while he bangs off the excess snow...

Me: (smiling at him) I guess it was good that I didn't spray the windshield fluid while you had your face peering over the glass.

RJ: Haha funny princess

Me: (opening my mouth) um..

RJ: yeah yeah Queen... Princess - whatever

The text I never expected

Has being realistic condemned romance, optimism and even the pursuit of happiness??

Today, my sister (S1) called my boyfriend's (aka BF or RJ) cell because I didn't answer mine. It was on silent so I didn't hear it. I could hear her voice in a shrill as he picked up so I wasn't sure what to expect as he handed me the phone.

My sis "Did you get a text from mom?"
Me "Um my phone was off, let me look"
My sis "You're not going to believe it. What am I suppose to reply to this?"

OMG! And I don't use that loosely. The text read 'X gave me a ring. said i would think about it. what do u think? Y or N?

Um I'm at a loss. Not because X proposed. They have been dating for over 7 years. Not because I'm torn up about my parents; they are both 51 and divorced when I was 19. My Dad had a gf the same year and is now remarried (not to the first gf). So while I have issues from my parent's divorce which effect my own relationships, those issues have nothing to do with my loss of words. My sister continues...

"So I wrote back, sure if thats what you want. Then I called you. I don't know what to do in the situation. Are you going to take care of this?"
Me "Yeah. I'll text now and talk to her. I'm on it"
We hang up. I am still at a loss. I text my mom to call me and I turn my ringer on. My phone rings... its my other sister.

My sis "Did you get this text? Did we all get this text? Has she lost her mind? I mean I don't even know X that well but she's been dating him forever. What do I care as long as she is happy? What am I suppose to reply to this? Its not like her saying yes effects me or makes him our stepfather. This text is so weird. What if I texted her when B proposed? I don't care about marriage, if it makes her happy go for it? Did you get this text? Did S1?"
Me (still at a loss for words, which is highly unusual for me) "I didn't even know you got texts on your phone... um yeah we all got the text."
Sis 2 "Well?"
Me "Um just reply that she should do what makes her happy. she will appreciate that."
Sis 2 " Ok I'll reply now. B and I are going to laugh about this later"
Me "I think she just wanted us to know and not feel sidelined like when Dad remarried"
Sis 2 "yeah i guess but come on... this is weird"

I think I'm the only one who gets why my mom sent the texts. And I think that worries me the most. Even though my sisters were younger when the 'rents divorced, they have both married and have kids. Me... I'm in a happy relationship but it has its own issues (mainly different religions). Plus I'm almost 30 and in a different place than my sisters who were 19 and 23 when engaged. So I am a realist (and so is my mom)... are we matched well? are we financially compatible? do we agree on kids? where to live? things that are important to each of us (for me, its vacations every year!)? these are ?s I analyzed for RJ and I; they are all good but the religion question lurks overhead. So I take a deep breath and I text my mom

'Ok well 1. Deep breath 2. You overanalyze everything which is good n i do too 3. U have fun with him, he is good tp u, he puts up with ur bs and u with his so.'

'Unless u are morally opposed to it, its not necessarily a bad thing that a man adores u enough to want to make it official. But lets discuss and analyze so u'

'Feel better about whichever decision you make. So deep breaths and call me whenever. Love you!!'

As I wait for the call, I wonder.... has realism replaced romance. I discussed this with my BFF over dinner on Tuesday because we've both been broken hearted by the guys we thought would be the future Mr. DQ and Mr. BFF.... but we know the events saved us future heartache which would have been messier. And for me, the closed door opened a window to the best possible guy for me in the whole world and I can say that because RJ is not from the US, so I did search the world ;). And for my BFF, she is enjoying life more now than she ever has and the future Mr. BFF will find his way to her eventually but for now, she's having fun. So when the time comes for one of us to be proposed to.. will we be realistic and ruin the romance? I ask again, has romance fallen by the wayside because we worry too much about reality? maybe believing in a fairy tale every once in awhile isn't such a bad thing??

When mom called, X was with her, and I could tell from mom's voice (I know her way too well), she was going to say yes and she confirmed it after saying "Your texts made us laugh out loud, so typical of you" - she meant it in the best way. So congrats to mom and X.... best wishes for your own little fairy tale! As for me, keep your fingers crossed that I don't completely replace romance with realism!

Snow, snow go away

So I'm sitting inside this am because I HATE the cold. I'm always freezing so going outside in the snow just isn't one of my favorite things. In fact, while the idea of global warming saddens me and I would definitely want my future children to see snow; at least once in their lives... I could definitely live without it. I might even secretly be happy if it never snowed in MA again - ever!

I know some of you will think that makes me terrible and others will say why do you live here then? Well the short answer is that I was raised here, my family lives here (or in nearby states; also with snow) and I can't imagine not being near my family (but far enough away to escape!).

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. As I'm sitting inside where its super toasty, I'm checking out my favorite sites: perezhilton, facebook and for local updates, I like boston.com. On boston.com, I'm automatically drawn to a video on The One Thing you cannot live without. Before I even watch the video... my mind is spinning. I couldn't decide on just ONE... I was the child who when given 3 wishes would always use the first to wish for more wishes and when the other person would say "you can't wish for more wishes, its a rule" I would reply "then I wish for the rule to be abolished and my second wish is for unlimited wishes" or even better "then I wish to be the queen of all wish granting and my second wish is for unlimited wishes!". See a trend... I have to get it my way and not at BK but with everything.

I'm curious what can't you live without? And more importantly, could you really pick JUST ONE?? Think about the question before you watch the video...


SPOILER ALERT!!!!
After watching the video, I felt badly. The Queen of Drama Queens has been put in place.. a little. A homeless man said he couldn't live without reading. My only saving grace, so I don't seem as big a B, is that my list didn't include one of my coach bags (I have multiple) or my fancy car or Gucci eyeglasses. But I still have all those things on top of a warm, cozy home and a stable job (in fact, I just got a new job) and of course I have my health. I'm feeling like I should be more thankful and appreciate my life.... maybe this blog will remind you to stop and look around once in awhile - because the video by itself is honestly not good; not enough for impact anyway..... and yes I know I'm a bit of a B (just not a big one)