Coming Soon: Tidbits

Ok so I know I have not been a consistent blogger and this fact along with my blog being anonymous along with only my bff knowing it is hurting my chances of obtaining followers and I've always wanted followers... I am a very charismatic public speaker which makes up for my inability to be humble and this charisma really could start a cult with the largest following in history... and don't worry, I'd never make it a suicide cult- I'm afraid of death - if anything, I'd find a way so grape koolaid made us live forever.

Sorry, I got off topic again. Anywho, I decided to try to be a more consistent blogger to see if that helps increase my followers (ok this idea of you pledging allegiance to me as your Queen might scare you away as well so how about I'll say audience from now on.. look I'm negotiating and typically the queen does NOT negotiate)...

Ok so to increase my audience, I'm starting Tidbits... I will post a Tidbit or 2 each weekday and that will give you something to muse about all day and may potentially cause unexpected laughing to yourself or at a minimum smirking as you continue to think about these tidbits throughout the day. Perhaps these tidbits will even entice (see still trying, I wanted to say convince or force) you to post a comment in response to the blog.

At a minimum, the tidbit will get me posting more regularly and in a few less words. I'd say this could help my audience but I don't want dumbasses who think reading is a chore as part of my kingdom- instead of no shoes no service, my kingdom's walls will be plastered with things like "If you can't read big words, we will excommunicate you (and I'm not talking church here)" and I'll have guards at the wall watching people and if they take too long to sound out words in their head or look lost or move their lips as they read... they are outta here! Ohh I got side tracked again, regardless.... be on the lookout for tidbits, coming soon direct to your laptop for your weekday enjoyment.

Here are some images that make me think of the tidbits of enjoyment that I'll be providing to you, every weekday

Can you guess the movie?

Can you guess the episode?

What does this look like to you?

Honestly, this is the best quote ever and if you can't read that fine print then drool until its tidbit time!

I need my own little nuggest... not sure Chewy's role on the show anymore and I have a former friend who was petrified of those who are vertically challenged, maybe Chewy, the Rolloffs and the whole Lollipop gang could pay her a visit.... mwahahaha

PS If you are a true member of the blog audience then you know that last bit was my evil laugh... maybe instead of an evil laugh I'll use this going forward, it sure scares the bejeebs out of me

The Lemon Law

So for anyone who doesn't know... the Lemon Law is a state by state law regarding the purchase of a car that ends up having a lot of problems. Its a hard law to enforce but I have a friend who definitely would have had an interesting case... her post college car was a nightmare. But I'm not blogging about that...

No this blog is about her lack of going on the 2nd date. I'm sure she'll go eventually, in fact strike that, I know she'll go on a 2nd date soon. And I think its admirable that she won't just waste a guy's time or money on a 2nd date when her mind is already made up. I even tried to convince her about the 2nd date with a unique analogy. To be honest, I'm only posting about this because I like the analogy and it gives me a chance to post a url link (click the title and let me know if nothing happens, I'm learning!), which I haven't on my blog yet.... hopefully she's ok that I'm posting this. Now on to my analogy and how wonderfully witty I am...

A first date is like a slot machine, fun and not a lot of pressure... but eventually to win big, you have to go to the table (the 2nd date) even if the first couple tables don't bring you luck, you needed that table practice just like you needed the slot machine practice so you'd get better at risking more (of your heart in this analogy) and being able to walk away from each table with your head held high til you find the table that you never want to leave.

Come on... that is a great freaking analogy, give a girl some props people!

Fine, you're a tough crowd so to appease you, check out the link to a classic Barney Stinson having his own creation used against him, the dating lemon law! Maybe my bff is a more humane version of Barney, she finishes the first date and doesn't waste either parties time on the 2nd.

PS Do you think the writers borrowed the idea from this old comic?

but thats my sexual place....

Ok 17 kids and counting.... come on! My friend and I have this thing where we wonder if sex is the same after one child let alone 17. And on this show, I hear the doctor say that this woman can vaginally deliver the 18th baby because her vaginal wall and muscles are strong. I tell this to my friend who responds "but thats my sexual place. and sex is too good, i can't let it be ruined" I was laughing BUT I have always wondered if you can let a guy do certain things after you have a baby and nurse a baby, ya know. Especially after I saw Knocked up and I didn't expect that last scene... after that, I'm thinking maybe the guy stays at the head of the bed no matter what!

Anyway, I try to make my friend feel better by telling her that the mom on 17 and counting must do kegels. To which my friend says nothing and I can tell... she is trying to do one! So I say, you know the magazines say to do reps of 20 or something and hold each one for 10 seconds. She looks depressed and says "10 seconds each!" - yup thats what the magazines say. Her face relaxes so I know she's done trying and I say "maybe the sex isn't as good as you think".... I'm hilarious by the way!